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Looking Back & Looking Forward

It’s already more than a week into 2014. I really can’t believe it. After taking a bit of a blogging break over the holiday vacation, I’m back for the new year. But I’ve got to do an obligatory post looking back on 2013 and forward to 2014, even if I’m a week behind…

Looking Back

2013 was a strange year. I like to say it was both the worst year and the best of my life. I had to deal with the grief of my best friend’s abusive husband and murder. There were a few moments were I was practically suicidal because of the darkness. I struggled with health problems that oftentimes made it a struggle to get up in the morning. I just wanted to give up sometimes.

But I didn’t give up, no matter how hard it was. And 2013 brought some of the most amazing experiences and opportunities I’ve ever encountered. I made it my resolution to embrace who I was, my passions and gifts in 2013, and I did that.

I became me.

I challenged myself and grew in so many ways. I took ballet lessons and went to Ireland and was in a music video (can you find me?). I revised Book One in my fantasy trilogy and talked to some agents and began refining my proposal. I worked with horses and went on mountain adventures and learned so much about God’s love. A blog post on grief went viral, and I was able to help many people in a small way with their own losses.

So 2013 was such a mixture of the good and bad, the joyful and painful.

That’s life.

And I guess I learned that the often times in the very moments where it’s darkest, or when you want to give up…it’s usually right around the corner when the light shines out brighter, and things happen that you never could’ve imagined.

I’m so glad I didn’t give up in 2013. Maybe that’s the lesson God taught me. Never give up, because you never know what’s around the corner.

Looking Forward

So what about this new year? I’ve learned not to have too many expectations, but I still like to think about the new year and things I’d like to see happen in me throughout. I usually write down a few things I’d like to see God do in me, promptly forget them, and then always go back to my journals at the end of the year and see that I grew in those areas despite myself.

This year is about love and letting go. I’m not sure what that means, exactly. I do know that my heart has been in a closed off, broken place for several years, and that I want to love people. This isn’t about romantic love. It’s just about loving. So I don’t know what that means.

But this year is also about letting go of the things that hold me back. Facing more fears and learning to be more confident, trying new things and developing old skills. I want to get back into music, learn to play the piano, sing, practice my violin. I want to continue writing Book Two of my trilogy, deepening my writing, seeking publication, etc. I want to challenge myself and do things I never would’ve done before because of fear.

We’ll see what 2014 holds. It’s unknown. Changes are coming, even for this blog. But I know I can face whatever the future holds. I know God will be faithful, and I’m excited to see where this journey takes me.

And I won’t give up.

  • http://Aol Dorothy Boyer

    I lost my husband of 58 years in sept 24 2013 I did not want to live with out him I thought about suicide and somev times still do my children are all wonderful to me but I lost my partner my soul mate he asked me to do something but all my children were here when he was on hospice and I was so tired. And I did n.ot answer him and now I am regretting it I loved him so much I pray all the time about this I just can not let it go

    • http://identityrenewed.wordpress.com Teryn O’Brien

      So sorry to hear of this tragic loss, Dorothy. I hope you seek counseling or a grief support group in your area. I had to do it. Sometimes, the burdens we carry can’t be carried alone. I don’t think your husband would want you to give up on life, but to carry on the live it meaningfully in his honor. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  • http://timfall.wordpress.com/ Tim

    Looking back, looking forward, and seeing God throughout. Well done, Teryn, well done.

    Tim

    P.S. I saw you hopping up and down in the video!

    • http://identityrenewed.wordpress.com Teryn O’Brien

      Thanks! Yes, it was fun music video to shoot. :)